There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
