Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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