I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
