Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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