I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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