Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize