dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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