I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize