We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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