i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
