yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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