Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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