sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
