I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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