worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We just shotgunned beers for America
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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