Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
