Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
