"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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