I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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