i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
