Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
