i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
