I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize