He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
