I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
