that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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