no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
