Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
