i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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