I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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