This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
