i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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