you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
