just come out here and I will go home with you...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my poor anus
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
