New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
