foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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