If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
