i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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