my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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