I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
