the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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