If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
