but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
