we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
