I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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