I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
