I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found the puke drawer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
