I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
