Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
