I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
