also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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