All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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