my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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