I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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