i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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