Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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