Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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