A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
