I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
