Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
