Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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